Official Weigh In: 164.4lbs

Ok so there was another loss this week of about -0.6lbs. Yay! Wanna know the weird thing; I got my period today. That's like after 10-12 days. I got my period again. I started my birth control again this month after a month hiatus, and my cycle got all messed up. This ALWAYS happens. The pill has the opposite effect on me. I am THE most regular person in the world without additional hormonal regulation. I can predict when my cycle will come within a 48 hr period, due to how symptomatic I am. But as soon as I got on the pill, my cycle when out of whack. And I don't know what to do in terms of that. I do NOT want my period every 2 weeks. And i have period weight gain, which always makes me cranky even though I know it's water retention. My mom is trying to make me promise that I'll get off of birth control because she says it's unnatural for my body, can cause vein erythrothrombosis(blood clotting in my veins) and infertility. but here's the deal: I am sexually active and I plan on being so for the next 7-10 years, without having kids. And so the birth control is great at preventing that. ON the other hand, do I want to be artificially convincing my body that it's pregnant, thus irregulatinig my hormones?? The debate continues on that front.

In other news, I got a WII FIT for my dad last night. It was his bday on the 29th and my mom had been asking for the game for the LONGEST time for her bday. So I bought them the game and we were playign it ALL morning. IT even got my mom to get on the treadmill, and my dad to workout his usual 4/7 days. My own Wii fit age was 31, even though i'm 20. SO I NEED to work on that. But I did every single frickin' activity and boy I feel it. I know that's weird considering it's a video game and tons of reviews I read said it wasn't a real workout. But I am telling you here, I felt the workout. And I did all the activities and thought this was a great step forward for the video-gaming technologoy, in terms of creating activities that still get kids and adults to actively move and play. My mom and I love it, and she says we should do it every morning before work. Hehe.

So that's the update for now. I'm pretty relaxed this weekend. Just going to catch up on my MCATs studying. I WILL be going to a superbowl party at my cousins' house in NH. I personally do not really have a SUPER vested interest in football (I'm more a baseball girl myself) but I do go to school in Pittsburgh and shall root for the Stealers to get my New England family and friends SUPER riled up. HAHa. I will be checking on all of your blogs to see how you're doing. Have a fun weekend!

Sorry bout the posting

Sorry there hasn't been much posting this week. There will be a post to make up for it tomorrow! Stay tuned :D

Some pictures of me playing dress up while I gather my thoughts to create a coherent blog post for tomorrow

Happy Monday!!

Today is probably THE most dreaded day of the week. And I'm sorry to all the bloggers who had to wake up BRIGHT and early to go to work. I woke up at 7am, but found out that I didn't have to go in for my work orientation until later in the day and so I will be heading out sometime in the next hour or so. I got to lie in bed for another 2-3 hrs. Which is A-ok for me. I had a late night; I was up chatting with my man on ichat from 12am-4:30am and so that was the draining part. I'm surprised I'm sooo awake with only 3 hrs of sleep. But the thing is that my bedroom has no curtains and the room floods with light in the early morning so one could not sleep past a certain hour if one was sensitive to brightness.

On other notes, the weight loss is going amazingly. I unfortunately have the tendency to lose the weight and then gain it back. To give you a brief chronicle of my battles with weight:
1997: gained 30-40lbs over 1 summer that I came to America to visit my father.
2003: lost 30lbs and got down to around 139lbs
2004: got back up to 155lbs
Summer of 2005: got down to 142lbs
Winter of 2005: got upto 164lbs
Spring of the year 2006: down to 152lbs
Summer of 2006: 160lbs
and then spring of 2007: Freshman year: 167lbs
And then i've stayed between 158lbs and 170lbs since then. I firmly believe that I have grown around 1 inch in the last 3 or so years, and going on birth control this summer pushed me up to the high side of 160. With this weight loss challenge, and for the rest of my life, I want to get down to 150-153lbs. I'll be super happy there and that's a weight I think I can maintain for the long-term. But I'm nervous of maintanence. I think it is the point at which blogging will really be useful. Because as you can see, I've gone up and down in weight for the past 6 years, going as low as 139 and as high as 173lbs. If I get to around 150lbs, that will be in the middle of my range and It'll be not too skinny, nor too fat for my body type. I think I'll look lean, athletic and generously curvy.

I weighed in today between the range of 162.6-163.6. The scale would not stick to one number. But that IS lower than what i weighed during the weekend and I haven't seen those numbers since last summer. I CANNOT wait to see the 15- again. And it puts me around 10-12lbs away from my goal weight. Which is really satisfying for me to learn. Once I get to my goal weight, i will spend the next year blogging my food habits and really really focusing on excercise. I want to tone up ALL over without losing the curves. I will probably focus on dance for cardio and strength training to toning. I had a pretty good weekend. I just caught up on my rest and procrastinated on much needed MCAT studying. That's what I have to makeup. If I do 2 chapters a day in my book for this week, I should be caught up. But bad kud for not doing it on time. I think i'm 5 chapters behind. Sheesh. I better get off my booty, head into the shower and get going on my day. I hope monday goes well for everyone else too!

Today's eats:
Brekkie: 1 pb& j sandwich with tea=270 cals
12pm/3pm: 1 serving rice (200), 1 potato cutlet (150), 1 serving beef (200), 1/2 serving ice cream (85cals), 1 cup herbal tea (0)=635cals
6pm/9pm:

Quick check in

I will write more later, but here's a quick post of the food journal:

9am/12pm: 1 cup tea (100), 1 piece cheese (50 cals), 1 serving rice (200 cals), 1 serving curry (200), 1 chicken kebab (100), 1 potato cutlet (150 cals)=800 cals

3pm: 1 cup tea (100), 1 strawberry fiber 1 bar (140)=240 cals

Oops I need to do it again

I need to do better tracking today so I'm officially doing it again. Yesterday didn't go as well as planned. I ended up lounging with fam/friends watching a Bollywood mvie and we broke out the plantain chips and cookies of which I had too many. But I probablly only went around 500-600 calories over my daily, meaning I consumed around 2200 cals. Which isn't as bad as I've done before. Plus it's accounted for, so I'm going to move on. And I'm giving myself kudos (haha giving Kud kudos) for working out yesterday and feeling it today in my legs. Whoopee!

Anytime I feel bad about what I ate, I remember that it was a special day getting to spend hours upon hours with some of my favorite ppl and I remember that if any of those people were not here today, I'd give any number of thousands of calories to recreate the moments of love and fun I had with them. A bit morbid, but it does put things into perspective. Why spend time griping about the fact that I overate when I had a lovely time with my family and that is the most important gift we're given in this life. Ok cheesy now?

Moving on, today I have work until maybe 3 or 4. Then I plan on parking my cute butt on a coffee shop stool and studying it off, until I've completed maybe 3-4 chapters of the Kaplan MCATs book.

Food planning will resume as usual:
9am: same as yesterday =270 calories
3pm: 1 serving rice (200cals), spinach/potatos (150cals), chicken (150 cals), one piece cheese (50cal), 1 serving blueberries (50 cals), 1.5 biscuits (120cals)=720 cals
5pm: 1 strawberry fiber one bar (140cals), 1 apple fiber one bar (130cals), 1 cup of tea(80 cals)=350 calories
9pm: 2 small chicken kebabs (200 cals), 2tbsp Sabra hummus (50 cals), 1 small cheese piece (50 cals)=300 cals

Physical activity:

Biggest Loser blog Challenge A-Team Official Weigh In #2

Today's Weight: 165lbs!! That makes it a loss of -1.6lbs, which is exciting. WOOHOO.

I think there was a false sense of dip after my period, where my weight got down to 163.8lbs. hopefully I'll officially be there next wee, but I am losing in my hopeful range of 1-2lbs/week which makes me feel infinitely more comfortable with losing weight. I know people want big results fast, but I take comfort in a slower pace of weight loss, due to the fact that this needs to be a lifestyle I can maintain, for well...LIFE. So the slower I lose weight, the better adjusted my eating and exercise will be and the more long-term this body adaptation is. In the meantime when I feel discouraged or lost, I'll return to the last post I wrote termed Insecurity which helps me put into perspective how I should feel about my body.

I am having this weird eating thing--When I eat, my stomach gets full REALLY quickly. And most of the time I know I haven't eaten that much. Like today I made myself a small PB&J sandwich with a cup of tea. And my stomach got full to the point of slight nausea. It was totally weird. Now this week I did start my birth control after skipping a month, so I think maybe that's giving me pregnancy symptoms?? But that's just a guess. I just know that my stomach capacity has SHRUNK. Which is a blessing and a curse.

I think I'm going to go and track my eating this week and focus super hard on trying to do some real strength-training and do my favorite cardio more--DANCING! I didn't track last week and still managed to produce a loss. But I will track somewhat liberally because this upcoming week I"ll probably start working my two jobs and need to figure out where to fit food and everything in my schedule. And tracking/meal planning will be key to ease into the SUPER busy lifestyle.

Song of the day: Addiction by Kanye West ft. Jay Z

So onto FOOD:
9am: 2 slices light bread (90cals), 1 tbsp pb (90 cals), 1 tbsp sugar free jelly (10cals), 1 cup tea with milk and sugar (~80 cals)= 270 calories

12pm/3pm: 1 naan (247 cals), 2 tbsp hummus (60 cals), 1 serving spinach/potatos (~150cals), 1 oatmeal cookie (200 cals)= 660cals
6pm:
9pm:

Insecurity

This post's a long one.

Some days we just wake up insecure. We feel like our bodies aren't built right or we beat ourselves up for how we treat them. We feel inadequate and constantly compare our bodies to airbrushed versions of women who barely eat, workout upon tens of hours a day and are paid to look a certain way, given the most expensive trainers, food, clothes etc. I also sometimes compare myself to my boyfriend's ex-girlfriends, who were models, pageant winners and video girls. And he constantly tells me that those girls had the wrapping but not the actual present inside them. They were "gassed up" constantly demanding certain things because they truly believed they deserved those things based on the way they looked. I'm not like that. I had a truly awkward period wiht bushy hair, braces, psoriases on 70% of my body, chubbiness and hairness all in one person. I had to develop a personality to make up for those "vices" as I saw them, although now looking back at those pictures I see an adorable little pakistani girl. I think men like me because I have a sexiness to me but I also am goofy, cute and not afraid to laugh at myself. I have one of the silliest AND most vulgar senses of humor. I am both a combination of femininity and feminist indignation. I think I'm pretty intelligent though not the brightest crayon of the bunch by any measure. I work hard and I do everything with the passion I feel to the depths of my core. My friends have said I am the friendliest person they know and I talk to complete strangers like I've known them for years. But often I forget who I am and view the word through the lens fo that cute but deeply insecure chubby girl. I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 17, and didn't think I was pretty until that point. I was the girl dancing by myself in the corner at middle school dances. I was the one the cute boys laughed at. There was this boy who used to bully me. Of course the whole thing was ironic when on Prom, he came up to me and asked me if I remembered him and then proceeded to hit on me. But nevertheless, I sometimes forget all my good qualities and look at myself as the world saw me at that point in my life.

today was one of those days. I woke up and got on the scale and saw maybe a 1lb gain that for some reason plunged me into guilt over the way I looked. And when I get insecure, I start thinking of women who are prettier than me and better looking than me. And I dwell on my flaws. And those are the moments I need to sit down and journal> which is why I am blogging now. This is more for me than for anyone else. And I'm sorry if it consists of a lot of rambling.

I grew up with two parents who are SOO IN LOVE WITH EACHOTHER and still sneak off to do "hanky panky" all the time. And I've never seen them exchange gifts with eachother. Because they taught me that the true meat of a relationship, the true sustainability on a relationship does not come from the fluffy declarations of love or grand gestures of passion, but rather the continuing trust in one's partner and the belief that one will do everything possible to make sure the relationship can move forward. My dad and mom love eachother unconditionally and they had a long distance marriage for 5 years, with my mom living in pakistan and my dad in the US for my growing up years, 6-11. They kept things spicy to be sure, but they taught me that valentines day, anniversaries and birthdays mean little in the grand scheme of things. And looks should not be in the top 10 list of things you love about your partner, or the things that make your relationship work. Sure looks attract you to the person, and youth is something that socieety places SO MUCH emphasis on these days, but you should love your partner because they are a part of you and you a part of them after X number of years of being together.

And there are days I forget that. And I think for some reason that I don't deserve my boyfriend or even the best versions of myself because I look a certain way. And I get jealous of the things I remember my boyfriend telling me he did for his last girlfriends. Along with being a molecular biology major with aspirations of becoming a patent lawyer, he's an artist and he has written quite a few poems or given artistic gestures of love. And he's told me time and time again, that those things were wasted on those women who didn't have the same beauty in my soul that I do. He says that he wishes I was his first girlfriend and that we were eachothers' firsts and lasts. And I nkow him to be honest and true. And I trust him completely. I know I could send him into a room full of naked women and he'd be thinking of me. And it's funny. When he sees beautiful women, he tells me how so and so has my eyes, or my hips or my waists. For him, I am the beautiful woman I have never seen myself to be previously.

When I get down on myself like this, you know what I do. It sounds silly and crazy. but I take off all myclothes. I take off my makeup. I strip myself down to the God-given body I was blessed with. And I look at myself. Truly look at myself and enjoy what I see. I almost look at myself the way I would look at paintings of naked women. I force myself to see it for what it is. Beautiful. Capable. Willing to do anything for me. Healthy. But most importantly IT IS MINE. that's the important thing to realize. I will never have hips or thighs as small as Jennifer ANistons. I will always be extraordinarily curvy. My hair will always be dark brown and my eyes will always match my hair color. I will always have thick dark eyebrows. And a straight nose. And a round face. And my hips and breasts will always be big. But that's the beauty. I am a customized human being. God didn't just pick some generic model and change up the colors of the features. I was designed with a specificity in mind. And I am the compilation of the past and present. I am my grandmother's cheeks, my aunts face shape, my mother's eyes and my father's skin color. I am a visible record of my family's existence on this earth. And I am proof of me. I am a visible version of the soul that lies within. I know this is getting abstract, but I am trying to say that the things I see as imperfections are the experiences, emotions, feelings and passions of the soul known as kud that burns with passion, within.

So I feel much better now. And I'm going to workout. And I'm going to spend some time wiht my family. And I'm going to watch Lost. And I'm going to talk to my boyfriend and make him feel as loved as he makes me feel. And I'm going to love myself. And go to sleep, thanking my body for being MY body.

Here are some of my favorite lyrics from an India Arie song called Video:

Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don't
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won't
Depend on how the wind blows I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be the india arie

When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it's supposed to be
And I know our creator didn't make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes; I'm lovin' what I see

Am I less of a lady if I don't wear pantyhose?
My mama said a lady ain't what she wears but, what she knows
But, I've drawn a conclusion, it's all an illusion, confusion's the name of the
game
A misconception, a vast deception
Something's gotta change
but,Don't be offended this is all my opinion
ain't nothing that I'm sayin law
This is a true confession of a life learned lesson I was sent here to share with
y'all
So get in where you fit in go on and shine
Clear your mind, now's the time
Put your salt on the shelf
Go on and love yourself
'Cuz everything's gonna be all right

Keep your fancy drinks and your expensive minks
I don't need that to have a good time
Keep your expensive car and your caviar
All I need is my guitar
Keep your Kristal and your pistol
I'd rather have a pretty piece of crystal
Don't need your silicone I prefer my own
What God gave me is just fine

Hello Mr. President Barack OBama!!

Happy Inauguration DAY!!!! I hope everyone emerges from the day safe, in one piece, alive and happy. I hope Obama's inauguration is accepted by all and there is just heightened security all over DC to protect the tens of thousands of people attending beyond Obama. My own lil bro (18yrold) is there right now attending Inaugural Balls etc. There's a part of me that's jealous wishing i could be there to celebrate but I know the majority of me is relieved to say the least because I'm avoiding the crowds and craziness.

WEight-wise: 163.8lbs. There's a part of me that is of course SO happy to see the weight come down this fast, but there is a realistic part of me that's wondering why it's coming off so fast and wondering about the sustainability of it all. I am not starving. Nor am I cuting out carbs/protein/fats. I eat when I'm hungry. And I eat as nutritiously as possible. So i expect to lose weight. But I don't want to average more than 2lbs per week and right now I'm averaging around 2.5-3lbs. Part of it is that I have some sort of stomach thing. My tummy has been making funny noises and my bowel movements are not as healthy as I'd like them to be. Sorry for the TMI.....

I've got to drive far this morning to my hospital to get my TB test and get all the health stuff screened. I'm slightly nervous because this is the first time I'm driving like 50 miles by myself, with highways etc. to a location I've never been to on my own. I know it's silly but I got my license in March last year. And being at college, I never got to drive the car until I came home once in a blue moon. So I still am an inexperienced driver but can drive well enough. Hopefully being home will push me to drive all the time (which i do lately) and just become comfortable with driving.

I also am working at the Gap again today during the day and perhaps during the night. I know that always leaves me tired because you're on your feet walking around, moving for 4 hrs straight. And well that's burning more calories than me sitting on my booty doing nada. So onward and forward. I hope everyone's having a good day and starts their morning off right ;D

Happy MLK day!!

1 more day until a new presidency begins and we begin a new chapter as Americans. WOOHOOOO. I am so happy that we have a president in the white house who is making so much headway in the racial dept. I only worry that we will slack off in our continued efforts to narrow the inequality gap between whites and other people of color, because we have a president who is an example of how far blacks have come in this country. The truth for me is that this is a big deal but I also recognize that this hasn't done everything in terms of briding that inequality and I hope this only empowers more young people to work harder to bring the standard of living and treatment of people of color, closer to the privilege that comes in our society with being white.

Ok rant over. Sorry for that political tangent.

Anyways I am weighing LESS. Now that Aunty Flo is slowly moving out of the building, my body is going back to its more normal functioning. and with that, the weighing in is getting more fun :D But my scale wasn' cooperating with me today and I stepped on it liek 10 times to get a number that came up twice to report as my official weigh in. But each time I stepped on, I got something different, ranging from 163.2lbs-164.6lbs. I do know that it never went above 165lbs and that's awesome. My goal this week is to weigh in anywhere from 163-165lbs. within that range. And I'll be happy. Because in all honesty I dont' want to lose weight TOOO fast so that it's not sustainable.

I just got my workout in. Well I'm not sure how much I worked out but I ended up super sweaty and had to change the clothes I just wore. ughh. I shoveled our driveway. Which is an EXCELLENT workout. For those of you who don't feel like going to the gym, make the little things count. For example you can dance around in your house (that' s my favorite workout), wash teh dishes, scrub the floors, shovel your driveway or just do squats/lunges etc. around your kitchen. I definitely believe that a workout does NOT have to be within the confines of a gym. And since at this point in my life I can't afford a gym membership, you can be sure that I'll be working out all OVER the place.

So today the plan was for me to study MCATs all day and then go to work (at the Gap) from 6-10pm. Now I found out my mom invited some folks over for an early dinner at 4pm, and I'm betting she'll need help around the house doing stuff. So I'm not sure how much I"ll actually be able to study. Which is annoying!!! It means more work during the week. but since I'm not starting my full time volunteering at the hospital untiil around 2 weeks from now, due to TB testing, I'll have time.

Sorry if this post sounds sort of rambling-ish. I'll attempt to post my foods at some point during the day.
Adios!

My outfit

Look at how excited I look :D

Ok just to show you how I would dress for a slightly formal family function:

Here are some pictures:

This is what my makeup looked like


Here are a couple pics of the clothes:

My best model pose! haha--> I think Tyra would be disappointed for me not looking fierce enough :D




I think what makes the outfit special are the shoes and shawl, so here is a picture of my shawl close up:


And these are my F-Me pumps. Whenever I wear them, I feel SUPER SASSY. And I strut my hips and pretend I'm in a music video in my own head. I turn on my Alicia, Keyshia and whatever -isha I can. Hehe

A dinner party!!

There's a dinner party at my house tonight!! We'll have some close friends and family. It'll be a GREAT time considering my mom's been cooking the food for two days now. I wish I had the recipes but for now satisfy yourselves with the names, and pictures that I got off of google of the all the foods.
First we have
Chicken Kebabs (I think you guys can guess what those look like)
Next we have Nargisi Kofta
Which are the Pakistani version of meatballs but they have boiled eggs inside. DELICIOUS. I wish I could upload "tastes" as well as images, but for now the web is still behind my overactive imagination.



Next we have Gosht which is the Pakistani version of stew:







We also have haleem which is describe by wikipedia as the following:
Haleem is made of wheat, meat (usually beef or mutton, but sometimes chicken or minced meat), lentils and spices. This dish is slow cooked for seven to eight hours which results in a pastelike consistency, with the taste of spices and meat blending with wheat.




And then we have stir-fry vegetables which I'm sure you guys can imagine.
For dessert we have:
Sheer:
which is a dessert made with condensed milk, dates, wheat sweet noodles, lots of cardamom, sugar and other delicious goodness!!




And last but not least, Gajar ka Halwa,
which is best described as "carrot pudding" with warm nuts, dried fruit, milk and other sweet stuff that we slow cook. The picture doesn't even do the taste justice, but it' s the best I can do for all you fellow foodies!


Ok I'll make another post just to show you my outfit. I hope that all of you are salivating by the end of this post, because I sure am!!!

Official WI: 166.6lbs

That's -.4lbs from last week although I KNOW it's more and this is my period weight, which is NEVER accurate. On my next WI, there'll be a bigger loss because my period bloat/water retention will dissipate and I'll be at my normal weight.

Weight today: 164.2lbs

Hello Blogging world.

The weight listed is probably not extremely accurate considering I had worked out right before I weighed in and the dehydration took off a few extra lbs. How ever, the great thing is that I know the scale is going down.

The other thing about the workout is that it brought Aunty "flo" over to my crib, and I am now officially menstruating. Whoohoo. That does mean that the weight will actually be lower than previous days because I always retain water and weigh in heavier the couple days before my p---iod. Haha. For some reason I feel weird typing that in....PERIOD. ok. Spaziness over.

The other thing I always deal with during menstruation and PMS is cramping. That is a painful Mo.Fo. Like woah. I have to just sit and rest my hand on my belly. Food becomes pretty nauseating to me. And I crave carbs. TOday I ate a naan, and some roti. but thankfully, I couldn't eat TOO TOO much because my cramps got tooo bad. And so I think i can wait until 6pm to eat again, which then automatically regulates my daily eating schedule.

Sorry I haven't been posting food lately. I think I will post food when I feel like I need to regulate and the scale isn't going down. I want to eat moderately and healthily. but i also am going to start incorporating exercise. And I only want to indulge one neurosis at a time. I get too OCD about calorie counting, exercise, etc. etc. etc. I want to integrate things slowly to make them long-lasting. And although the challenge is great motivation, the ultimate test of my body will be the test of time and I need to make my weightloss long lasting, rather than quick and fast-results.

I will say one thing though: Yesterday, I was craving food food food around 4:30pm. And I knew that my body was gearing up for a binge. Which I knew I didn't want to do. So instead of mindless eating until I thought it was right time for dinner time, I ate an early dinner at 5pm. Previously, I would have mulled around trying to find "snacks" until I would allow myself dinner at a more reasonable time of 7 or 8pm. but now I'm learning that I should just follow what my body wants and who cares about what time it is to eat dinner and how lame you might look to your family eating dinner before 6pm. Haha. I had curry, rice and tandoori chicken. Then I wanted dessert. And I knew that this was the key moment when I would either binge or be healthy about eating. For me there always is a moment when I "make" the decision to adopt a fu*k it attitude and just eat whatever the hell I want. And instead, I took one serving of soy mocha fudge icecream, and added some dried coconut, tsp of crushed walnuts and tsp of shaved almonds to create a decadent looking dessert that actually was quite healthy. And I felt lovely afterwards. I had a cup of tea to signal that dinner was over. And then I wasn't hungry all night. I even stayed uptil around 11 or 12 and was fine. I had 2 glasses of water throughout the night and I was done. So lesson of the day: Indulge your cravings but remember to treat yourself gloriously like you are the Goddess you are. Before eating that crappy processed food in a vending machine, or the quick fix microwavable meal that tastes like cardboard, ask yourself "Would your inner-Goddess eat that??" does a goddess deserve to eat that? And indulge your craving in a much more luxurious decadent sense. Because you're worth it.

I think that's it for now.

Weight today: 166.4lbs

Sorry for not posting yesterday. I was just grumpy and hormonal and knew I'd be more of a Debbie Downer than a Feisty Fiona. So I kept the postage to myself, narrating my lifeview in my mind rather than on a blogger format.

I'm at that point in my cycle where I'm hormonal, and slightly bloated and want food all the time. So I know my menstrual cycle is coming soon. But "when?" is the question on my mind. Normally I have a huge binge about 24-48hrs before the day of arrival, but since I'm moderating my eating, I'm not waiting for that sort of symptomatic announcement

Now onto other news: I'm going to start running again! WHOOPEE (I don't think I've ever actually said that word in real life). But it's cool. I used to try and run fast (well fast for me....like 5-6mph) and could only run 1 MAYBE 2 miles at a time. I have a lot of stamina when it comes to things like dancing and other....physical pursuits...but the whole running thing evades me. So I think I'm going to start REALLY slow. Like 4.5mph and just run for fun. Because at that speed I think running feels easy and enjoyable and I'm going to experiment to see if my love of running is increased and perhaps sustained with greater probability at those speeds. My own gripe will be that I don't want to lose my butt. I know many women would hate to have my boo-TAY, but I love it. It balances out my frontal section and makes me feel womanly and curvacous and amazonian-esque. Along with my thunder thighs. So if I can lose my belly-region, but keep my hips, boobs, thighs and ass, I'll be a happy trooper.

The food stuff will be updated throughout the day and I'll make blog rounds in a bit :D

9am/12pm
3pm
6pm
9pm
Other:

Hola

I'll write more later. But this is my quick food journal just to keep myself accountable.
Weight: 166.6lbs

9am: 1 cup tea (80cals), 2 biscuits (100 cals), 1 pakistani biscuit (120cals)
12pm: 1 lean cuisine spa classics butternut ravioli (350 cals), 1 stopnshop simply enjoy chocolate chip cookie 50 cals (400 cals)
3pm: 1 small bowl of shelled peanuts (200 cals), 1 small sugar free dark chocolate pudding (60 cals)
6/9pm: 1 bowl corn chowder soup with some chickepea biriyani and cheese thrown in for good measure. 1.5 pieces of chicken. 1/4 piece of roti.
3 small cookies.

What the F david blaine?!

Ok So despite consuming a lot of food last night (although it wasn't a lot by what I used to think was a lot), I still lost a lb, bringing my weight to: 166lbs.

It's bizarre to me but somehow also makes a little bit of sense. I realize that sometimes my body wants to eat more, and eating healthy foods that are clean and made by Pakistani standards of healthy is really not that bad and perhaps even beneficial in my quest to lose weight. I also think that when our bodies tell us we should eat a little more, or we're craving something, we should REALY LISTEN to our bodies and fulfill those cravings. Now I'm not saying that if our body is asking for 5 trillion cookies, that we should eat all those cookies. But we have stopped listening to our bodies as a society and it's tiem for us to listen MINDFULLY, not indulging every little whim that may be detrimental to us but truly indulging those cravings/needs that we really need or require and stop when our bodies say stop. Ok I'm done being preachy :D

Food today:
9am 1 peanut butter/jelly sandwich with: 2 slices whole wheat bread (220cals), 1tbsp all natural Teddy's Super chunky pb (95 cals), 1 tbsp sugar free strawberry jam (10 cals), 1 cup tea (80 cals)-total: 425 cal?
12pm 1/2 cup rice with peas, 2 pieces of chicken, 1/4 piece roti (~400 cals)
3pm 2 mini blueberry muffins, 2 pieces of brownie (300 cals)
6pm/9pm 1 cup tea (80 cals)
lots of daal, rice, kebobs and some salmon (?)
Some brownie

Probably more food than I need today but I'm still balancing out the whole weekend eating thing. These brownies are whole wheat organic brownies with milled flaxseed. Not as bad as regular brownies. Etc. I'll do better tomorrow. That's the attitude to keep when u eat more than necessary.

This section gets updated as the day goes on....

Quickie

Hey hey hey,
Here's my quick update:
Weight: 167lbs.

Food so far:
9am: 1 banana (120), 1 tbsp Peanut butter (100), 1 tbsp jam (20 cals), 1 cup tea (80 cals)
12pm: 1 Chobani Blueberry yogurt (120 cals), 1 pear (80 cals), 1 skim string cheese (60 cals)
3pm: Cabot cheese tasting I tasted like 8 or 9 cubes of cheese (my weakness ;D ) so I can estimate that it was under 300 calories
6pm/9pm: 1 bowl veggies (150 cals), + 1 samosa +1 cup chickpea rice + 1piece salmon+1 nan+a little bit of halwa dessert

Watched Slumdog Millionaire. AWESOME FANTASTIC MAGNIFICENT great movie> It really hit home! :D

ALso went shopping with the mom. Visited gap--> I'm starting at some point next week.

7pm Dinner Party with family. I'll have more for you tomorrow.

Non-Offical WI Day

Hi guys,

So this weigh-in does not count in the actual biggest loser blog edition challenge, but I'm proud to say that I weighed in at 167.5lbs, which is a -2.5lb loss!!!! So that's super exciting and even though I've had weigh-ins that were lower than this, going from 170 to 167.5 on my official weigh in day is exciting for me.

So I wanted to record my measurments just to keep track and I'll try to update them/post progress photos every month or so.

Here are my measurements:
waist 28.5
bust: 39.5
under bust 32.5
stomach 33
hips 38
butt 41
r. thigh 25
l thigh 24.75

Since the last time I measured, I've lot 1/2 an inch on my waist so that's exciting! When I weighed my lowest, I remember my bust being 38 inches, my waist being 27 inches and my hips being 36 inches. I wouldn't mind keeping my bust size as it is now, since i love having big boobies. I want to get my waist down to 27inches and my hips to 36 or 37 inches. Makes pants buying a lot easier. As you guys can guess, I'm an hourglass figure and I have broad shoulders and a pair of thunder-licious thighs. So buying pants can be a nightmare with the pants not going over my thighs, or going over my thighs but hanging off my waist. But to be honest, pants-buying is a nightmare for EVERYONE so I shouldn't complain.

Here's a starter photo to measure my progress by:
I love how the sunlight was shining on my belly like it was being blessed by the gods. Haha. Maybe I"m buddha. Ok now I'm just being silly.








Good things I did this week:
1. fixed my eating
2. I will get my paper done by saturday
3. got hired at the Gap in MA
4. Have an interview for a possible internship in the Child-life program at UMass Medical Center

Bad things:
1. Didn't do official workouts
2. let my blood glucose get too low sometimes

Things to work on:
1. Getting an MCATs book to start studying
2. Working out
3. Keeping to my eating schedule

Food Eats:
9am/12pm: 1 bowl soup (<50 cals)
1 plate chicken and rice (~300 cals)
5 strawberry wafers (150 cals)
1 cup tea (~100 cals)

3pm: 1 slice of whole wheat bread (110cals), 1 laughing cow cheese wedge (35 cals), 1 serving pastrami (60 cals), 1 cup tea (100cals)

6pm/9pm: 1 bowl with 1/2 cup rice, lentils, chicken (~400 cals)
dessert: 1 pakistani biscuit (120cals), 2 dark chocolate cookies (100 cals)

Total for the day:1525 calories
Other:

Adult or Child?!

So 20.5 is a weird age. I think I've been going through a "quarter-life crisis". I know that sounds weird, but seriously--> It' s a time at which people (in this case I'm referring to parents) don't know whether to treat you as a child or an adult. Or rather, they play whatever card they want to, depending on how they want the situation to unfold. Like it'll be like "kudret, cook us dinner. you're an adult now. You can do this" Or for today they played the 'kid' card. "Kudret you're watching too much tv. I'm going to ban it for you when you go back to college". That sort of attitude just frustrates me, because I want consistency. But you know, I'm sure it's hard for them too. They have to get used to the idea that I'm independent, am going to be making my own money and eventually will leave them. This is the first time I'm home for longer than 2 months, since high school. And they're reverting back to how they treated me in high school. To be quite honest, it's more my father than my mother. My mother's really adult about this all. My dad is the disciplinarian in our house and sometimes he makes me so mad. It's why I'm sitting in Peets coffee today. I figure leaving the home will just make me more reasonable as a person, and take me to my happy place. I truly believe my dad may be experiencing depression and needs a projecct--Me. He lost his job with the economy going down, and the company he owns isn't making many sales of his product considering how the economy is. He needs things to do, and unfortunately when I"m at home--I become one of his projects. Cue the coffee shop, with it's free wifi, tasty mocha coffee and set of strangers who will not bother me. Sorry that I'm kind of negative right now. I promise to be more cheerful/TMI/bubbly later.

But to set the blog on a happier note, I promised my boyfriend/brother that I will post and introduce you guys to them. And I figure it'll be easier to picture my world a bit if you have visuals. So here are some starter pictures:

This is my little brother .He's 19 years old in February and he's going to Bowdoin college. He's my twin. Since there are only 18 months between us, we have always been treated the same age. And while that can get annoyiing sometimes (since i've had a WHOLE 18 MONTHS more of expeeriences than him! lol) it's super nice having someone who can complete your sentences and be one of your soulmates. Yes I do believe that we can have soulmates, and they go beyond the romantic sense. He's one of my besties! This is a p icture I took of us this morning for the blog


This is the two of us, in our typical silliness. Nyle has always been (much to my jealous nature) the skinny one of our family. Nyle emobodies the skinny "bitch" mentality-- I.e. he knows when he's hungry. He eats what he wants. Stops when he's full. If there's a bag of chips or his favorite food on the counter, he won't go all "predator hunting for prey" on it. He won't engage in secret eating, or binge eating or any of those things you might catch me doing on a bad day. There's no emotion attached to food, and his drug of choice is his Nintendo Wii. Mine involves salt, sugar, butter, milk, anything deliciious. I am a FOODIE. But the truth is that I don't want to stop being a foodie. I love food and I dont want to stop loving it. I just dont' want it to become my abusive boyfriend-->comforting me, hurting me, sabotaging me, support me. I need it. I want it. I love it. But I also hate it sometimes. Let's seek relationship counseling and develop a healthier relationship with our abuser-->let's learn to eat. As kooky as that sounds.

Now onto the boyfriend: Here are some pictures of us that I'm sure only I will enjoy as much as I do:
This is us in our better states:

I love this picture because I love the way the sun was hitting our faces. I want to give him some jazzy name with which I can refer to him. he coudl be Bollywood Hero. Haha Or BH for short. I'ono. THe story as to how i met him is soo bollywood--or Bombay Hollywood for those of you who are not familiar with my people. haha.

we met on the street- no not in a "i was wearing fishnets, and he drove up in a limo" sketchy sense. It was like this: I had been dating this guy who started being mean and playing games with me. So I decided after much frustration, that I would smilie at any cute guy I saw on the street. It was like "I am a strong, empowered woman. i don't need no man. I will smile at whoever I damn well please, and no one will have any control on how good I feel right now." and I was feeling all "sasha fierce" or whatever that creepy alter-ego name that beyonce has adopted for herself. So out of the University of Pittsburgh gym walks this tall, light skinned cup of mocha deliciousness. I decide to smile at him. He's walking with two friends. He smiles back. I'm like score!! I got my hot man smile of the day. That was the end of the interaction--or so I thought.

I was walking a few steps more when I felt that eery sensation--you know the one where you know someone's looking at you. So i turned around and his two friends had stopped and were looking at me. I just shrugged and kept on walking. But I turned around again and I saw him looking at me. At this point I had started crossing to his side of the street. But he didn't know that and started running to my side, almost got hit by a car, tripped and finally made it to the side of the street where we both were. I then saw him running towards me. I suddenly was faced with a dilmemna. If he was running towards me and I didn't stop--I just missed the opportunity to talk to a beautiful beautiful man. If I stopped and he WASN'T running towards me--well that would be my embarassing moment of the day (believe me--i have tons daily). So i stopped and looked at my phone, pretending I was looking at a text message. He ran up to me

"Hi" he said, out of breath slightly
"hi" i said-- making it extra breathy and sexy

HE then introduced himself and invited me to a party. Throught his interaction I found out he was a biology major at Pitt (like me, except i go to carnegie mellon). So I asked him for his number (there was no way I was going to give him my number, despite the fact that he looked so damn good in my own eyes). I took his number and decided right then and there that I was going to call him later say " i couldn't make it to the party and ask him for a date". Well we talked the next morning and agreed ot meet for a date that night. I went on the greatest night of my life. We met at 6:30 and hung out until 5 the next morning--just talking and hanging out. Nothing physical in the amorous deparment. Just tons of mind-gasms with his great conversation, and heart palpitations with his good looks. That was almost 7 months ago and things have been great since.

Here are some more pictures that amuse me and epitomize our relationship:
Me throwing up my version of gang sings, and him being exasperated with me being silly. HAHAHa








Me doing the awkward turtle dance and him hiding behind his book. I'm always the silly one. Except when I get him out of his shell. I have no inhibitions and normally do whatever I want wherever I please. He keeps me decent. and as normal as I can get.



Here is the final picture. This is us in August. I'll always be happy to post more pictures But I think this post is too long already and I haven't even started talking about food or nothing. Mr BH is 6'5, and is multiracial: Black, puerto rican and mexican and native american and of course some white as is inherent in a term like black. I'm pakistani so I'm excited to see how our kids wil turn out one day. Especially with me being like 5'7, I think they'll be these huge, racially ambigous beasts. HAHA. just cuz both me and my man are pretty big/muscular for our respective genders and sizes.

Now onto food/health issues:
Today's weight: 166lbs. It was so weird: i woke up and weighed myself: 167.5 I decided to pee and weigh myself 166lbs. I didn't realize that I carry 1.5lbs of pee in the morning. That is rather disgusting but good to know that ifmy weight suddenly goes up randomly, I Just have to pop a squat on a toilet, do my business and see if my weight is affected.

Now onto food:
9am: 2eggs worth of omlette with lots of veggies and 1oz cheese (~300 calories)
12pm: 1 medium Peet's Caffe Mocha with sugar free chocolate, skim milk, no whip (~200 calories)
My blood sugar got too low at around 3pm, and I went to a restaurant and made choices that were not necessarily great for the body: I ate 3 bread rolls (which is ok, considering I hadn't had ANY carbs), and a kids size order of chicken tenders and fries. And 2 unsweetened ice teas. I figure this is probably my lunch and dinner combined since I ate it at like 4 or 5pm. So I don't know how this will affect the scale. But it's been accounted for and that's what matters!

As you know, this section will be updated throughout the day. Sorry if this post got too long.

Good Morning Blog World!!!!
I just took that picture to show you guys how psyched I am to be a part of the Biggest Losers blog Edition Season 2! And to be on Team Angie--> How awesome is that?!? I hope this color font isn't too bright for you guys.

Since this is the first blog I've really invested in/am going to try to keep up regularly, I'm playing along with fonts, styles, colors, etc. etc. etc.
Ok on to the meaty details:
Weight this morning: 168lbs! So I'm actually not that upset about that. I have not "deployed a missile from the southern hemisphere" in about 2 days. Normally I"m quite regular in that dept. so when I don't, it shows up on the scale. Now for some of you that may be TMI, but I'll tell you the same thing I've told most of my close friends over the past few years:
"If you don't know my bowel movements, you must not be that close of a friend"
This is due to the fact that I am a TMI sort of person. My boyfriend will be the first to tell that I have no inhibitions and need some more self-awareness in terms of what I tell to whom. But I do enjoy having this child-like curiosity and love of people. I will chat up everyone and anyone I see. I could probably tell you my hairdresser's life story, how my manicurist feels about her babysitter and what my manager's second cousin's name is. That's how involved I get with people. I hope that ultimately it makes me easier to trust and also makes me more personable. I also hope that it will help me become a better doctor because these days, ppl are too scientific and cold. I want a doctor who will empathize with me and show me that she cares about me beyond my insurance coverage. And that's the kind of doctor I want to be.

Ok sidetracked, as usual. So on a health/fitness thing: I'm going to focus on the 80% diet thing first. I normally can integrate fitness pretty seemlessly if I've mastered the food issues. And in general I am a pretty active person so the weight normally comes off without those extra hours in the gym. We also haven't moved the treadmill to the front of the tv, so untili that happens, I have NO motivation to exercise on it. Excuse excuses I know. but I'm doing fine so far.

Now onto today's eats:

9am: an omlette wiht 2 eggs, an oz of cheese and 2 slices carb smart bread (420 calories)
12pm: 1 cup tea (~80 cals), 1/2 cup carrots (20-30 calories)
3pm: 1 can Annie's Thai coconut soup (440 cals) with 1 cup added mushrooms (20 cals)
6pm/9pm Dinner: 1 bowl soup mom made (1 can chicken broth, water, broccoli, green onions, mushrooms, lemongrass)- 1 serving is probably not even 50 calories
1 banana: 120 cals (since it was large-ish in size)
1 sandwich consisting of 2 slices low carb bread (120 cals), 1 laughing cow cheese wedge (35 cals), 1 serving pastrami (60 cals), 1 romaine lettuce leaf (5 cals)
Dessert: 2 Late July Dark chocolate biscuits (100cals), 1 pakistani biscuit(120cals)

Total for the day: 1590 calories

Relatively low for me, but considering yesterday's indulgences, it's good to be slightly lower today than I normally am. Eating this way is actually making it more difficult to fit in enough calories, leaving me enough calories for dessert. It's interesting to see how this will turn out at the end of the challenge. I hope everyone's doing well in blogland tonight!

I won't let the self sabotaging monster win this time!!!

So every time I start losing weight, and seeing results, I start doing behaviors the deliberately self-sabotage. So this time, I will keep those thoughts in mind and picture my sabotage monster as a cute monster that can't do anything to me!! My sabotage monster is at the top of the post.

So exciting news: Weight today: 166lbs!!!

Ridiculous, right?! My body's like that. Quick to lose and quick to gain weight. As soon as I become conscious of what I eat, i lose weight and even the slightest bit of not paying attention--> BOOM 10LB GAIN. It's both motivating and frustrating in its own place.

So I'm going to stay strict about the whole 300 cals, every 3 hours bit. And we're moving the treadmill in my house to the front of the tv!! Yay. For aesthetic reasons, my mom had moved the treadmill to the back of the tv, and it has served more as a decorational piece than anything else these past few months. Now that the parental "unit" as I affectionately call them, has decided to do south beach, they're eating healthier and investing in excercise. So the treadmill will be moved into the location it rightfully deserves. And my love-hate relationship with running will continue again! :D

Just to tell you a little bit about myself:
I am the middle child, and only girl between two brothers, born to Pakistani immigrants. My dad came to the US in college and has lived here ever since. I was born in NY. Lived in CA until I was 6, and moved to Pakistan (the motherland) for 5 years until i was 11. Then I did middle school and high school in boston. I have been studying biology/psychology at Carnegie Mellon University, in Pittsburgh, PA. Now I took a semester off to reevalutate what I want to do with my life and recalibrate/refocus.

I've decided to become a Doctor, but I'm going to switch my major to psychology to keep my sanity. While I'm home, I'm going to be working at Gap, volunteering in childlife (if I get the position) and studying for MCATs. Part of this whole "recalibration process" is adopting a food-excercise lifestyle I can jive with and marry and have babies with and get tatoos of. Basically a lifestyle I can keep for "life". haha. Cliche, I know.

Now without further ado, my eats:

9am: 1 piece toast, with 1/2 tbsp PB and 1 cup tea and 1 pear (~300)
12pm: 1 bowl curry with a piece of chicken (~350 cals)
3pm: tea from morning, with 3 dark chocolate biscuits (150 cals), 1 other type of biscuit (120cals)
6pm: 2oz cheese (120), 1 slice bread (60 cals), 1 chobani strawberry greek yogurt (120)
9pm: 1 cup popcorn kernals (200 cals estimate?), 1 cup icecream (~200 cals)
Other; 1 bowl curry with rice (300 cals)
Total for day: 1920 cals

UPDATE: So some of the sabotaging behavior came to play today with me eating more than my daily allotment of calories. But I didn't actually do as bad as I've done in the past, thanks to the blog and actually being mindful of my calories. I need to have more veggies. That's for sure. I'm having tons of dairy, carbs and protein. I'm not doing bad on fruits. But I'm going to incorporate soups for veggies. All in all, it could have been a lot worse!

By the way, if any of you were wondering what I looked like:

Working at it!

Weight: 168lbs

This thing is going to work. I have to believe that eating these small meals and staying active will ultimately get me to my goal. I'm in a better state of mind now than I have been a long while so I feel optimistic that I will be able to reach my goals more surely.

Tomorrow at 10am, I have a meeting with a manager here at the Gap in Boston. I worked at the Gap in Pittsburgh (where I go to college) and so I'll be able to see if they have any openings for me here. I'm taking a semester off, spending time in boston to refocus, recalibrate and reevaluate myself in terms of what I want to do with my life and my future; I need to be making money on the side just to sustain my needs. Especially since my dad lost his job in this economic downturn and I need to be as independent as possible (while still living with my parents :D ).

Both my parents are on a diet (they're doing South Beach) and that makes things easier at home. Plus with my little brother going to college, we will have tons and tons of healthy options here at home. I'm going grocery shopping in a lil' bit and will be sure to pick up some good stuff to bring home considering there is NO food at home.

Ok onto today's eats:

12pm: 1 cup tea, 1 apple and 1 biscuit (~300 calories)
3pm: 1 yogurt (120), 1 slice bread with 1 oz chedder cheese and some pastrami (180)
6pm/9pm: some curry and rice (300), a biscuit, coffee and some spoon fudge (300)
12am/late night: 3 Organic Dark Chocolate cookies (150 cals), 1 cup tea (100 cals), 1 bowl thai soup with broth, mushrooms, green peppers, onions etc. (130 cals)

Yesterday's physical activity didn't happen. And today I'm meeting friends for coffee etc. And I"m getting a haircut. So I'll be unpacking my boxes etc. But I doubt that the whole excercise thing will happen today in the form of workout-ing. So I will do some dancing and stuff. But stay tuned for tomorrow to have some sort of formal workout.

Uggh!!!!

Weight today: 170lbs.

WHY WHY WHY!?!? Whenever I try, it never works. I mean the weight could be up for superficial reasons, but I think this is a sign that I need to be A LOT more meticulous than before. So I'm going to be recording all my meals and trying to limit myself to 3 hrs, 300calories like before.

10am: 1 cup banana crunch cereal, 1/2 cup 1% milk, 1 cup tea with 1 tbsp sugar (~400 cals)
1pm: 1 cup tea, 1 pear (150 cals)
4pm: 1 lean cuisine (350 cals)
7pm/10pm: 1 piece chicken leg, some rice, cauliflower (~500-600 calories)

Mood is ok. Plans today include hanging out with friends in "the center" which is a street in our town lined with shops and coffee places. I'll probably go to a cafe, and enjoy a hot chocolate treat around 6 or 7pm.

So what to do about workouts? Well I'm moving into my room, which will be light excercise. I also plan on dancing for around 30-45 mins to get physical activity in. Then I have 2 10lb dumbells that I will use for squats, lunges, biceps, triceps, abs etc. I'll try to aim and do that around 12pm. Workout til 2pm. Then go to the center at 2pm, have coffee etc with one friend. Then I'll do work at Peets Coffee on my paper and try and finish it by 6pm. At 6pm I'm having hot chocolate with other friends. I should be home later in the evening then and I can evaluate how I did. Time to be meticulous to get into the habit of breaking up my meals into 5-6 300 cal. meals.

Day two: Accounting Indulgences

Weight today: 169lbs

I knew the weight would be up to account for last night indulgences. But in all actuality, that was not that bad of a weight gain at all. That' s my body soaking up the salts, and retaining water to balance it all. A good dance session this morning should hopefully allow me to sweat it out.

Today's plan: Ice skating!! I'm going ice skating with my nieces and nepehews-- I have 4 (2 girls, 2 boys) all aged: 10, 10, 8 and 7. They're a handful, so it's hard to keep up with them. Hopefully I'll have a better chance on ice :D

I'll post breakfast, lunch, dinner and all snack pictures on this post as the day goes on. But for now I'm off to work it out.

Day One: The New Beginning

Happy 2009!!! This is the time of the year that irks me the most because ppl make empty resolutions that 9/10 times they won't keep,and weight loss is generally in every persons list
. But despite the initial aversion I have to the idea, I am one of the masses and this whole 1/1/09 date makes me feel like I'm getting a fresher start, than say a date like 4/3/09- you get the idea.

So here's my new years resolutions:
1. To learn how to eat. Sound's simple, doesn't it. But not quite: while we have hormones like leptin to make us feel full or ghrelin to feel hungry, we ignore our natural cues and choose to overeat or starve depending on our ultimate aims. We deprive ourselves of basic nutrients like carbs or fats, all in the name of weight loss. I want to forget those ideas, and focus on what i want to eat, when i want to eat and how much my body thinks i should eat to settle into a comfy wegiht. If the weight is where I am now (which i doubt it will be) then I'll be ok. If it goes down, then that's ok too.

2. I want to become fit. I want to workotu and love working out. I do love the gy m and feel better because of it. And by the gym i mean any place where I can get physical activity. I can use dumbells at home, the sidewalk outside and the treadmill to get a perfectly good workout almost everyday. It's key to want to be toned, to motivate yourself. I don't want to be thin--lord knows, I'm made to be curvy and thick, but I want to be tight and right too :p

3. I want to accept my body as MINE and stop comparing it to others. I was made as a curvacous, strong, big hipped big breasted woman. And if i have to scream that off the top of mountain tops (although i don't know where i'll find those) to get myself to accept that--I will! I love the way I look most of the time, and I'm hoping that by treating it right, and nourishing it, and challenging it, I will also love it and the relationship between these things will be cyclic with the love causing me to treat my body well as well.

Ok so onto today specifically:
Weight today 168.5lbs. Not bad considering I was 171.5 on Monday after the holiday festivities. I'm going to try and keep it there by next Monday so I can say I had a 3lb loss. Before the holidays, Ih ad gotten down to 167, so I need to get back down there to feel like the holidays are over. But I'm making day to day progress.

Today I had some good and bad. The bad was that I took too long between meals, having breakfast at like 11am and lunch around 6. At 6 I was so hungry, I went out to dinner wiht friends at Vinny Testas Italian Restaurangt--too much bread, oil and fatty stuff. Then I came home and my mom had cooked me a dinner! I couldn't say no to her--she spent some hours cooking for me. And the whole family is here so I can't not sit at the dinner table ignoring them, and sulking if you know what i"m saying. So i sat there and had chicken. I didn't have rice, and I didnt eat too much during my second meal.I know the scale will show an increase and reflect today's indulgences. tomorrow I'll try to eat more frequently. But since I accounted for today and it's in writing, I'm going to forget about it and move on. Now I'm going to read and perhaps ichat with my man, and then go to sleep. Good plans for the night :D Starting tomorrow: Food Pics!