I have a sore throat and slept most of yesterday with a virus and low grade fever.
So I weighed in today:
161.8lbs. Which is -0.6lbs. I'll take anything that's not a gain. I worked today and work tomorrow a full full day. So I'll post something more in detail tomorrow. Just thought to update my weigh-in info. Will check in in the morning!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Patterns and Exhaustion
Thanks for stopping by and commenting on my blog guys!! It really meant a lot to me and having all those people take the time to just weigh in (pun intended :D ) was really gratifying.
So here's what's going on in my life: I'm exhausted. I haven't really had a day off since...like two weeks ago. I work two jobs and there hasn't been a day when I haven't been working one, the other or both. Which is fine in general: emotionally I'm super happy and grateful to have this situation in this current economic state. There have been a couple things that have been coming out of this exhaustion. Last night I feel asleep around 6 or 7pm. And to top that off, I had a hard time getting out of bed at 7:45am this morning! I was still tired and sleepy and just plain ol' exhausted. The other thing is that for the past couple nights I have been fighting the urge to binge. Now the binge urge happens a couple times in my life for non-emotional reasons. One is when I'm really tired, or sleepy or sleep-deprived. That's when I want to eat and eat and eat to stay awake and I guess up my sugar levels. The other time is when I'm hormonally imbalanced. So I know I'm exhausted and that's accounting for one of the urges. The other could be that I am hormonally imbalanced since I stopped birth control this month and that is manifesting itself in this urge. Now I'm happy enough to say that I haven't binged the way I used to. But I have eaten extra snacks at night that probably put me over my food stuff by around 500 calories. I've probably been eating between 2000 and 2500 calories these past couple of days. And so I might have to stringently calorie count or something to make sure that I can reign it back in...So not fun! But necessary.
In other news: I have a pattern with my weight loss. Or at least it's what's happened for the past couple weeks. Here's the deal-io: The day after my weigh in, I'll see a 1lb loss, which is out of the blue. It normally is like a "preview" for the following week's weigh in. So that day I eat really well. The next day (a Sunday), my weight will climb up for NO reason to a higher weight than the Friday weigh in. That day I'll get frustrated and eat a little more than I should. The next day my weight falls back to that Saturday weight (plus or minus 1/2 a pound). So then the next 3 or 4 days my weight does what it wants depending on how I eat. It's bizarre that my weight climbs up that high on Sunday but it's happened these past few weeks. So just a heads up: tracking your weight daily makes patterns visible and takes away some of the emotional glorification we give our scales. Don't let the scale mess with your mind! You ARE MORE THAN A NUMBER or a pattern. Haha. Ok that's what I have so far.
Help me stop eating a lot!!!I need to be less snacky! I'm going to plan on my potential day:
9am: 1 odwalla bar, 1 cup tea
12pm: 1 salad with one HUGE glass of water
3pm: 1 banana, some strawberries, 1 cheese
6pm/9pm: dinner tba
So here's what's going on in my life: I'm exhausted. I haven't really had a day off since...like two weeks ago. I work two jobs and there hasn't been a day when I haven't been working one, the other or both. Which is fine in general: emotionally I'm super happy and grateful to have this situation in this current economic state. There have been a couple things that have been coming out of this exhaustion. Last night I feel asleep around 6 or 7pm. And to top that off, I had a hard time getting out of bed at 7:45am this morning! I was still tired and sleepy and just plain ol' exhausted. The other thing is that for the past couple nights I have been fighting the urge to binge. Now the binge urge happens a couple times in my life for non-emotional reasons. One is when I'm really tired, or sleepy or sleep-deprived. That's when I want to eat and eat and eat to stay awake and I guess up my sugar levels. The other time is when I'm hormonally imbalanced. So I know I'm exhausted and that's accounting for one of the urges. The other could be that I am hormonally imbalanced since I stopped birth control this month and that is manifesting itself in this urge. Now I'm happy enough to say that I haven't binged the way I used to. But I have eaten extra snacks at night that probably put me over my food stuff by around 500 calories. I've probably been eating between 2000 and 2500 calories these past couple of days. And so I might have to stringently calorie count or something to make sure that I can reign it back in...So not fun! But necessary.
In other news: I have a pattern with my weight loss. Or at least it's what's happened for the past couple weeks. Here's the deal-io: The day after my weigh in, I'll see a 1lb loss, which is out of the blue. It normally is like a "preview" for the following week's weigh in. So that day I eat really well. The next day (a Sunday), my weight will climb up for NO reason to a higher weight than the Friday weigh in. That day I'll get frustrated and eat a little more than I should. The next day my weight falls back to that Saturday weight (plus or minus 1/2 a pound). So then the next 3 or 4 days my weight does what it wants depending on how I eat. It's bizarre that my weight climbs up that high on Sunday but it's happened these past few weeks. So just a heads up: tracking your weight daily makes patterns visible and takes away some of the emotional glorification we give our scales. Don't let the scale mess with your mind! You ARE MORE THAN A NUMBER or a pattern. Haha. Ok that's what I have so far.
Help me stop eating a lot!!!I need to be less snacky! I'm going to plan on my potential day:
9am: 1 odwalla bar, 1 cup tea
12pm: 1 salad with one HUGE glass of water
3pm: 1 banana, some strawberries, 1 cheese
6pm/9pm: dinner tba
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Breakfast and such!
I decided to show you the way my eating has changed these past two months from calories (which I kind of estimate most days) to nutritional eating and holistic eating: i.e. eating that is good for my mind and my body and makes me feel good, fresh, clean , energized and alive! So I'm going to outline my breakfast components and why I chose what I chose...
Today's breakfast:
My fruit/produce bowl contained:
1. lots of blueberries and strawberries: My mom and dad bought this whole box of berries from Costco, and I am IN-LOVE!! I especially love eating berries because it gives me dreams of spring and summer when it's 28 degrees Fahrenheit outside, and they're sweet and plump and juicy and stain your teeth which is sooo much fun!
2. One half of a banana: This shows how far I've come. Last night I wanted dessert but I made a deal with myself that if I ate 1/2 a banana and still wanted something sweet and carby like that, I could. But I acknowledged that I had more need for fruit and my body could better process it than some refined carb, and I give myself the leeway to eat something else should this not have satisfied that. Well I ate 1/2 a banana, put the other half in the fridge and went to sleep. Just like that. There was no stress eating, no self sabotaging or anything like that. And this morning I decided to eat the other 1/2.
3. 1 red bell pepper: This is also another thing I added to make sure my body got the nutrients I needed. I know that I will be working today from 11-4 or maybe 4-8, so I knew that I wanted to make sure I got at least 1 cup of veggies before work, so that I didn't have to stress out that much during the day and my body could utilize those vitamins to generate the energy and health I need to sustain myself throughout the day.
So that's the fruit/veggie bowl: I make sure that I get at least 2 cups of fruits/veggies throughout the day, regardless of what else I eat because I think that eating those fruits/veggies make me feel whole, alive, beautiful, healthy, sustained, satisfied and nourished. Which is the way I DESERVE TO FEEL!!!! Sorry, just thought I should shout that out from the table tops.
Other stuff I ate:
-3 slices of whole wheat sandwich bread (tiny slices, each one around 45 cals) with some Smart Balance butter: Bread and butter is one of my favorite breakfasts and so I definitely make sure I get to have that once a week, probably on saturday since I breakfast in bed that day (most other days it's grabbing a larabar or odwalla bar and eating it in the car). I always do whole wheat now, and actually have grown to dislike the taste of white bread. I like smart balance because it's made with olive oil yet still retains the ooey gooey butter taste :D
-1 cup tea with two teaspons dehydrated milk and 2 teaspoons sugar: I used to take splenda becaues that's what we have in abundance around the house, with my mom being diabetic but I have stopped because a. I'm NOT diabetic and b. sugar satisfies me more than artificial sweetner. Plus my body knows what to do with fructose, and glucose but not necessarily with artificial ingredients; I'm trying to make the digestive process as easy as possible for my body, and as smooth as necessary for my colon. Haha.
In other news: I am REALLY REALLY happy. I love being busy and I thrive on activity. I am sooooo complete when I am in the pediatric ward, looking after sick children and bringing them joy and laughter. Food nourishes my body but this nourishes my soul. I Feel so complete. and so loved. and so needed. It's completely rewarding and stills you in the moment. And time then flies because you are not watching the clock. I will look forward to going back to school, but taking that semester off is probably the best decision I've ever made. I wanted to go back so badly after two weeks at home and actually had a fighting call with my dean who said he saw me last semester, saw the light was gone and didn't want me to come back in that state. I fought him saying I could do it and I would get better. But I'm so glad he made me stay put and find this work to do. Because he gave me the gift of time for growth, healing and LIVING. I like working at the Gap because I get to see how people live and you'd be surprised by how much people open up to complete strangers who are helping them find clothes. Shopping (esp. jeans shopping) is a REALLY emotional experience for many women, so I'm glad I'm there to help them walk through it and feel like their body is beautiful and made perfectly regardless of clothes fitting/not fitting. So that's my update for the day. I'll check in tomorrow perhaps. I'm on a roll :D
Today's breakfast:
My fruit/produce bowl contained:
1. lots of blueberries and strawberries: My mom and dad bought this whole box of berries from Costco, and I am IN-LOVE!! I especially love eating berries because it gives me dreams of spring and summer when it's 28 degrees Fahrenheit outside, and they're sweet and plump and juicy and stain your teeth which is sooo much fun!
2. One half of a banana: This shows how far I've come. Last night I wanted dessert but I made a deal with myself that if I ate 1/2 a banana and still wanted something sweet and carby like that, I could. But I acknowledged that I had more need for fruit and my body could better process it than some refined carb, and I give myself the leeway to eat something else should this not have satisfied that. Well I ate 1/2 a banana, put the other half in the fridge and went to sleep. Just like that. There was no stress eating, no self sabotaging or anything like that. And this morning I decided to eat the other 1/2.
3. 1 red bell pepper: This is also another thing I added to make sure my body got the nutrients I needed. I know that I will be working today from 11-4 or maybe 4-8, so I knew that I wanted to make sure I got at least 1 cup of veggies before work, so that I didn't have to stress out that much during the day and my body could utilize those vitamins to generate the energy and health I need to sustain myself throughout the day.
So that's the fruit/veggie bowl: I make sure that I get at least 2 cups of fruits/veggies throughout the day, regardless of what else I eat because I think that eating those fruits/veggies make me feel whole, alive, beautiful, healthy, sustained, satisfied and nourished. Which is the way I DESERVE TO FEEL!!!! Sorry, just thought I should shout that out from the table tops.
Other stuff I ate:
-3 slices of whole wheat sandwich bread (tiny slices, each one around 45 cals) with some Smart Balance butter: Bread and butter is one of my favorite breakfasts and so I definitely make sure I get to have that once a week, probably on saturday since I breakfast in bed that day (most other days it's grabbing a larabar or odwalla bar and eating it in the car). I always do whole wheat now, and actually have grown to dislike the taste of white bread. I like smart balance because it's made with olive oil yet still retains the ooey gooey butter taste :D
-1 cup tea with two teaspons dehydrated milk and 2 teaspoons sugar: I used to take splenda becaues that's what we have in abundance around the house, with my mom being diabetic but I have stopped because a. I'm NOT diabetic and b. sugar satisfies me more than artificial sweetner. Plus my body knows what to do with fructose, and glucose but not necessarily with artificial ingredients; I'm trying to make the digestive process as easy as possible for my body, and as smooth as necessary for my colon. Haha.
In other news: I am REALLY REALLY happy. I love being busy and I thrive on activity. I am sooooo complete when I am in the pediatric ward, looking after sick children and bringing them joy and laughter. Food nourishes my body but this nourishes my soul. I Feel so complete. and so loved. and so needed. It's completely rewarding and stills you in the moment. And time then flies because you are not watching the clock. I will look forward to going back to school, but taking that semester off is probably the best decision I've ever made. I wanted to go back so badly after two weeks at home and actually had a fighting call with my dean who said he saw me last semester, saw the light was gone and didn't want me to come back in that state. I fought him saying I could do it and I would get better. But I'm so glad he made me stay put and find this work to do. Because he gave me the gift of time for growth, healing and LIVING. I like working at the Gap because I get to see how people live and you'd be surprised by how much people open up to complete strangers who are helping them find clothes. Shopping (esp. jeans shopping) is a REALLY emotional experience for many women, so I'm glad I'm there to help them walk through it and feel like their body is beautiful and made perfectly regardless of clothes fitting/not fitting. So that's my update for the day. I'll check in tomorrow perhaps. I'm on a roll :D
Friday, February 20, 2009
Happy but SUPER BUSY
Hey ya'll
Official Weigh in: 162.4lbs!!
Loss: 1lb!!! WOOH WOOH.
That's more than what I've lost the past 3 or 4 weeks, so I'm glad that my body's going down in the increments that I see more drastically. I definitely see this 8lb loss and feel it with my clothes. So I have NO idea what the 20lbs will look like. In tops I'm wearing sizes S and M, and for pants I am now an official size 8. I wonder if I"ll ever fit a size 6, because I pretty much ruled that out for my body. Who knows?! The world is my ocean and my body is my oyster (does that even make sense?!?! Kud SHUT UP NOW! haha)
I'm craaaazy busy! I work at the hospital (commute included) from 8-5, then go to the gap and work from 6-10. THis happened both yesterday, today and will occur Monday. I also work Saturday from 11-4 (and maybe 4-8) and then Sunday 3-7pm. Just on my feet ALL DAY every day! So i'm soo busy that normally I fit in healthy eating, but because my job is sooo active, I normally cannot fit in any formal exercise. I'm ok with that, because i think I'm moving, the way my body was designed to be moving. I also have to be chipper and perky all day, first working with sick kids and then customers. When I come home, I am a miss cranky pants. NOT a good look. haha.
Well I have to get dressed because I have to be out of the house by 7am. I'll try to squeeze in another post and stop by all of your blogs this weekend. HAve a fun friday!!!
Official Weigh in: 162.4lbs!!
Loss: 1lb!!! WOOH WOOH.
That's more than what I've lost the past 3 or 4 weeks, so I'm glad that my body's going down in the increments that I see more drastically. I definitely see this 8lb loss and feel it with my clothes. So I have NO idea what the 20lbs will look like. In tops I'm wearing sizes S and M, and for pants I am now an official size 8. I wonder if I"ll ever fit a size 6, because I pretty much ruled that out for my body. Who knows?! The world is my ocean and my body is my oyster (does that even make sense?!?! Kud SHUT UP NOW! haha)
I'm craaaazy busy! I work at the hospital (commute included) from 8-5, then go to the gap and work from 6-10. THis happened both yesterday, today and will occur Monday. I also work Saturday from 11-4 (and maybe 4-8) and then Sunday 3-7pm. Just on my feet ALL DAY every day! So i'm soo busy that normally I fit in healthy eating, but because my job is sooo active, I normally cannot fit in any formal exercise. I'm ok with that, because i think I'm moving, the way my body was designed to be moving. I also have to be chipper and perky all day, first working with sick kids and then customers. When I come home, I am a miss cranky pants. NOT a good look. haha.
Well I have to get dressed because I have to be out of the house by 7am. I'll try to squeeze in another post and stop by all of your blogs this weekend. HAve a fun friday!!!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Grumpy!
Somehow last night, I went from being happy and ok, to grumpy and insecure. I do not know what caused this, or why suddenly I wanted to binge so badly. And I did. I gave in. But I do not feel too too bad about my binge because it could have been much worse. And often while fighting in these feelings and this intense desire to eat, I end up eating a lot more because I have imposing restrictions on myself that I try to fight afterwards.
I'm here writing in to be accountable. To say, "it's ok, kudret". You'll be fine. You overate last night, but to put it into perspective: that was one meal out of three. One day out of 7. and One week out of the 10-15 weeks you have in the BlB2 challenge. So you'll be fine. And if today, you keep your meals reasonably sized. Drink tons and tons of water. Improve your mood a little bit. Give thanks and try to be nice to everyone around you. Move a little extra today. And perhaps go for a long walk in the evening, it'll be ALL GOOD. And you'll feel good> And your body will thank you as well. So thank your body for digesting everything you put in it, and you now owe it a walk and some good eating and lots of water. It deserves it, and so do you.
I'm here writing in to be accountable. To say, "it's ok, kudret". You'll be fine. You overate last night, but to put it into perspective: that was one meal out of three. One day out of 7. and One week out of the 10-15 weeks you have in the BlB2 challenge. So you'll be fine. And if today, you keep your meals reasonably sized. Drink tons and tons of water. Improve your mood a little bit. Give thanks and try to be nice to everyone around you. Move a little extra today. And perhaps go for a long walk in the evening, it'll be ALL GOOD. And you'll feel good> And your body will thank you as well. So thank your body for digesting everything you put in it, and you now owe it a walk and some good eating and lots of water. It deserves it, and so do you.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Monday Update
Alright, so Aunty Flo has officially LEFT THE BUILDING!!! Gone!! Whoohoo!!! 3 weeks was FAR TOO LONG for her to stay on my couch and I'm glad she finally has left.
With that news, I am proud to say that my new range shall hence be from 162-163lbs. Some how the slow weight loss has sped up just a tiny bit, enough to shake me out of the 164lb rut. This is enough to motivate me and re-energize me to embrace this whole slow weight loss thing
Slow weight loss is awesome because it gives my body a chance to adjust to the weight and instead of forcing my body to shift its equlibrium (which it definitely will resist) I'll do super slow weight loss that my body won't notice too much until it becomes a much bigger loss and does stick. Awesome right? Trick my body into shifiting its equilibrium super super small amounts, until a new equilibrium that is 15 or even 20lbs less, is finally reached. I hope all of you all are doing well in your weight loss journeys. Go A-team!
I'll update on tuesday with stuff about my weekend and how the week is unfolding!!
With that news, I am proud to say that my new range shall hence be from 162-163lbs. Some how the slow weight loss has sped up just a tiny bit, enough to shake me out of the 164lb rut. This is enough to motivate me and re-energize me to embrace this whole slow weight loss thing
Slow weight loss is awesome because it gives my body a chance to adjust to the weight and instead of forcing my body to shift its equlibrium (which it definitely will resist) I'll do super slow weight loss that my body won't notice too much until it becomes a much bigger loss and does stick. Awesome right? Trick my body into shifiting its equilibrium super super small amounts, until a new equilibrium that is 15 or even 20lbs less, is finally reached. I hope all of you all are doing well in your weight loss journeys. Go A-team!
I'll update on tuesday with stuff about my weekend and how the week is unfolding!!
Friday, February 13, 2009
Official Weigh-In # I can't remember...
Weight this morning: 163.4lbs!!!
So that's a loss of -0.6lbs. Haha, slllooooooooooow and steady weight loss for sure. In the past three weeks I've lost 1.4lbs, but hey slow weight loss is easier to hold off. Right?! I'll do what I'm doing and see what happens next week. I know this is tMI but I still have my period 3 weeks later, so I'm going to see if that lets up and the weight goes down more dramatically...Pants are fitting better and I feel slimmer. So I'll just do what I'm doing.
Lots of love all around blog land!
So that's a loss of -0.6lbs. Haha, slllooooooooooow and steady weight loss for sure. In the past three weeks I've lost 1.4lbs, but hey slow weight loss is easier to hold off. Right?! I'll do what I'm doing and see what happens next week. I know this is tMI but I still have my period 3 weeks later, so I'm going to see if that lets up and the weight goes down more dramatically...Pants are fitting better and I feel slimmer. So I'll just do what I'm doing.
Lots of love all around blog land!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
It's Thursday!! Two days away from a 3-day weekend!!
Whoohoo. Time for another bubbly post a'la Kud!
Thanks for ALL your sweet/kind/inspiring comments yesterday. It made me feel loved and respected and I totally appreciate the time you guys take out of your God-knows-how-busy days to read what I write and give some commentary. Thanks so much. It inspires me to wake up the next day and write a quick post on the positives in my life:
So basic updates/yays in my life:
1. I think I'm going to go off of the pill. It's been 3 weeks that I've had my period and it's getting heavier which is NOT NORMAL at all and I do not want to go higher up in my dosage of hormones so I'm going to go off of it and see what happens.
2. I woke up this morning and did wii-fit yoga. I decided I wanted to get a nice stretch in the morning and what better sets your day of right than 15 minutes of yoga on Fernando (my wii fit board). Me and Fernando had a good ol' time if yaknowwhati'msayin'.....haha. Could I be any greasier?!
3. I'm off to work with kids who are sick and it involves me playing, doing arts and crafts, holding sick infants and helping out the parents with traumatized siblings. I love doing what I do and today should be no different.
4. I am listening to a Billie Holliday song and drinking tea, which is the ultimate soothing ritual in the morning, showing myself some self-love and luxury during these difficult times
5. I'm going on a friend-date with one of my best friends tomorrow who also is not celebrating V-day with a man (sadly my man is in pittsburgh, and she's single) so we're dating eachother friday night---We're doing a double feature of girl flicks, starting off with He's just not that into you and moving onto Confessions of a Shopaholic
6. I'm going to a Sitaar concert with my parents on V-day, going to get my ethnic on :D
7. I'm going to Bowdoin to visit my little Bro (he's 19, haha) at College, on Sunday and get to see his college for the first time and spend some quality family time
8. MONDAY'S A HOLIDAY!!!!
Ok, that' s it. I hope some of this positive energy flies off of the screen and rubs off on you. Be happy! Regardless of your body size, or perhaps dare I say it...Because of it!, feel happy that you're healthy, walking, seeing, tasting, smelling and touching person with your intact being. And even if you're injured/ill, be sure to remember that you're alive, enjoying the air that everyone else is breathing and just take a second to remember all the positives in your life. Ok, I'm signing out now. I'll stop by your blogs when I get home in the afternoon. Adios!
Thanks for ALL your sweet/kind/inspiring comments yesterday. It made me feel loved and respected and I totally appreciate the time you guys take out of your God-knows-how-busy days to read what I write and give some commentary. Thanks so much. It inspires me to wake up the next day and write a quick post on the positives in my life:
So basic updates/yays in my life:
1. I think I'm going to go off of the pill. It's been 3 weeks that I've had my period and it's getting heavier which is NOT NORMAL at all and I do not want to go higher up in my dosage of hormones so I'm going to go off of it and see what happens.
2. I woke up this morning and did wii-fit yoga. I decided I wanted to get a nice stretch in the morning and what better sets your day of right than 15 minutes of yoga on Fernando (my wii fit board). Me and Fernando had a good ol' time if yaknowwhati'msayin'.....haha. Could I be any greasier?!
3. I'm off to work with kids who are sick and it involves me playing, doing arts and crafts, holding sick infants and helping out the parents with traumatized siblings. I love doing what I do and today should be no different.
4. I am listening to a Billie Holliday song and drinking tea, which is the ultimate soothing ritual in the morning, showing myself some self-love and luxury during these difficult times
5. I'm going on a friend-date with one of my best friends tomorrow who also is not celebrating V-day with a man (sadly my man is in pittsburgh, and she's single) so we're dating eachother friday night---We're doing a double feature of girl flicks, starting off with He's just not that into you and moving onto Confessions of a Shopaholic
6. I'm going to a Sitaar concert with my parents on V-day, going to get my ethnic on :D
7. I'm going to Bowdoin to visit my little Bro (he's 19, haha) at College, on Sunday and get to see his college for the first time and spend some quality family time
8. MONDAY'S A HOLIDAY!!!!
Ok, that' s it. I hope some of this positive energy flies off of the screen and rubs off on you. Be happy! Regardless of your body size, or perhaps dare I say it...Because of it!, feel happy that you're healthy, walking, seeing, tasting, smelling and touching person with your intact being. And even if you're injured/ill, be sure to remember that you're alive, enjoying the air that everyone else is breathing and just take a second to remember all the positives in your life. Ok, I'm signing out now. I'll stop by your blogs when I get home in the afternoon. Adios!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Re-evaluations
So I am stuck. I am between the weight of 164 and 165lbs and I have been stuck between these two numbers for the past 2-3 weeks. Now I am NOT going to give up or call it a day. Although yesterday out of frustration I binged. I don't know why, but sometimes I eat a lot so that my weight will creep out of that zone and I'll be remotivated. Does anyone relate to what I'm talking about?? Like this morning I saw 166lbs and I was like "oh oh, must get right back on the boat" and felt a renewed sense of motivation. Last night I dreamt that I was writing a post for this blog. So this morning I woke up and knew I had to write a post because I got a sign from my subconcious that the time was NOW.
I have been re-evaluating the way I see my weight loss. I will not see it as the ends-all be all. Since I have been working in a hospital full-time, I am surrounded by medical jargon and disease talk ALL THE TIME. So I have started applying that sort of talk to my own life. So if I see my unhealthiness as a physical condition or manifestation fo bad health, then I will treat it with the same care that I treat any other diseases that find their way in my life.
So let's frame it this way:
I am diagnosed with "unhealthy living-ness" which is a chronic medical condition in that I do not use food as nutrition only and often use food as a coping mechanism, binging and eat far beyond what I need to to deal with problems in my life.
Now I want to treat this unhealthy life style with some care and treatment plans. By making it an objective thing rather than a personal thing, you are prevented from being mean to yourself and saying "i am so fat and ugly" or "i should be disgusted with myself". This is a problem going on in your body and sure you have control over it, but did you necessarily cause it or are you entirely responsible for it?? There have been countless biological studies showing that sugar is more addictive than heroin and people show varying ranges of addiction to sugar. Also, we should not be punished for choosing food as a coping mechanism; it is around all the time, and we SHOULD enjoy food with our families, during celebrations, as a culture. The problem comes into play when we enjoy food in vast quantities secretly, in our car or in our bedroom and keep "hidden stashes" for coping. It's a problem when we come home and consume 3000 calories, trying to hide it from everyone we know. It's a problem when we get into binge mode and take food from our roommate without her knowing, because WE JUST HAD TO HAVE IT. I've been there, and the way I was thinking was definitely not normal in that moment. And I was ignoring all my bodily cues to get that food into my body. So unhealthy life style is the condition
Treatment Options: So I am trying to couter the unhealthy lifestyle with a "healthy lifestyle". What is a healthy lifestyle? Well the main focus is the nourishment of my body. I want to feed it with foods I like and foods I want (Obviously!). A healthy lifestyle means I can indulge in what I want and still listen to my food cues to make sure I don't binge or overdo it. I want to be one of those people who gets physical exercise in every day in some form or the other. EVEN IN WINTER! I want to go to a party and not have any freakouts about what foods they're serving. I dont' want to self-sabotage or be unhappy with my body. I want to self-love completely and unconditionally. I want to wake up and take off my clothes, stretch and love what I see. That's the treatment I need to do and the results I want to see. Medications include good food, physical activity and LOTS OF SELF-LOVE.
Side-effects for all those medications should include: more toned muscles, better stamina both in and out of the sack ( haha!), weight loss (this is a side-effect, not a main result because my focus is on the lifestyle itself) and better skin.
Things I need to note as being counter-effective to the healthy lifestyle/symptoms of the condition:
1. I have had my period for 2 or 3 weeks now and so my hormones still have not regulated yet.
2. I have stopped tracking and I think that maybe necessary to achieve the weight-loss I need at least for the time being
3. I haven't exercised in 2 weeks because I work every day and every weekend doing two jobs. I need to squeeze this in, even for 10-20 mins/day
That's what I have so far. I will address each of these concerns and try to track again too!
I have been re-evaluating the way I see my weight loss. I will not see it as the ends-all be all. Since I have been working in a hospital full-time, I am surrounded by medical jargon and disease talk ALL THE TIME. So I have started applying that sort of talk to my own life. So if I see my unhealthiness as a physical condition or manifestation fo bad health, then I will treat it with the same care that I treat any other diseases that find their way in my life.
So let's frame it this way:
I am diagnosed with "unhealthy living-ness" which is a chronic medical condition in that I do not use food as nutrition only and often use food as a coping mechanism, binging and eat far beyond what I need to to deal with problems in my life.
Now I want to treat this unhealthy life style with some care and treatment plans. By making it an objective thing rather than a personal thing, you are prevented from being mean to yourself and saying "i am so fat and ugly" or "i should be disgusted with myself". This is a problem going on in your body and sure you have control over it, but did you necessarily cause it or are you entirely responsible for it?? There have been countless biological studies showing that sugar is more addictive than heroin and people show varying ranges of addiction to sugar. Also, we should not be punished for choosing food as a coping mechanism; it is around all the time, and we SHOULD enjoy food with our families, during celebrations, as a culture. The problem comes into play when we enjoy food in vast quantities secretly, in our car or in our bedroom and keep "hidden stashes" for coping. It's a problem when we come home and consume 3000 calories, trying to hide it from everyone we know. It's a problem when we get into binge mode and take food from our roommate without her knowing, because WE JUST HAD TO HAVE IT. I've been there, and the way I was thinking was definitely not normal in that moment. And I was ignoring all my bodily cues to get that food into my body. So unhealthy life style is the condition
Treatment Options: So I am trying to couter the unhealthy lifestyle with a "healthy lifestyle". What is a healthy lifestyle? Well the main focus is the nourishment of my body. I want to feed it with foods I like and foods I want (Obviously!). A healthy lifestyle means I can indulge in what I want and still listen to my food cues to make sure I don't binge or overdo it. I want to be one of those people who gets physical exercise in every day in some form or the other. EVEN IN WINTER! I want to go to a party and not have any freakouts about what foods they're serving. I dont' want to self-sabotage or be unhappy with my body. I want to self-love completely and unconditionally. I want to wake up and take off my clothes, stretch and love what I see. That's the treatment I need to do and the results I want to see. Medications include good food, physical activity and LOTS OF SELF-LOVE.
Side-effects for all those medications should include: more toned muscles, better stamina both in and out of the sack ( haha!), weight loss (this is a side-effect, not a main result because my focus is on the lifestyle itself) and better skin.
Things I need to note as being counter-effective to the healthy lifestyle/symptoms of the condition:
1. I have had my period for 2 or 3 weeks now and so my hormones still have not regulated yet.
2. I have stopped tracking and I think that maybe necessary to achieve the weight-loss I need at least for the time being
3. I haven't exercised in 2 weeks because I work every day and every weekend doing two jobs. I need to squeeze this in, even for 10-20 mins/day
That's what I have so far. I will address each of these concerns and try to track again too!
Monday, February 9, 2009
Ughh NO TIME
I literally have NO TIME to write the post that is reflecting my latest thoughts on fitness/health> I will TRY to make time tonight.
I work every day 9-5 and then work on weekends for the GAP. I commute 2 hrs/day and so there is a 6am wakeup call and a 9pm-ish bedtime. still trying to get it together. WIll post later tonight.
I work every day 9-5 and then work on weekends for the GAP. I commute 2 hrs/day and so there is a 6am wakeup call and a 9pm-ish bedtime. still trying to get it together. WIll post later tonight.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Official Weigh In #4
Longer post forthcoming.
Quick update:
This week's weigh in puts me at 164.0lbs. So that's a loss of -0.4lbs. REALLY slow but steady loss. I think it would have been greater but 2 things:
1. my period is still going on.
2. SuperBOWL SUNDAY I ate tons and tons of food. And it took like 3 days to completely wash out that junk. So that probably cost some of that loss.
I'll write a longer post later (either tomorrow or sunday) about the good things I learned/did this week.
Quick update:
This week's weigh in puts me at 164.0lbs. So that's a loss of -0.4lbs. REALLY slow but steady loss. I think it would have been greater but 2 things:
1. my period is still going on.
2. SuperBOWL SUNDAY I ate tons and tons of food. And it took like 3 days to completely wash out that junk. So that probably cost some of that loss.
I'll write a longer post later (either tomorrow or sunday) about the good things I learned/did this week.
Monday, February 2, 2009
FOOD Fest
Ate tooo much last night at the party, but steps were taken immediately to rectify that situation--starting with the two-three glasses of water I chugged before sleeping.
Today I ate salad for lunch, and some soup for dinner. I have also done a Wii workout (and the wii showed me at a 1.1lb gain, which isn't too bad--considering).
So hopefully by Friday, my weigh in day, things will be back in style. Overall, I really enjoyed the superbowl and had tons of fun with my family. My team, the steelers won and it was A FUN FUN game to watch!! The two families, my family and my uncle's family were on opposite sides and so there was tons of screaming both at the tv and at eachother. It was MARVELOUS, if I do say so myself :D
I wouldn't trade last night for anything---even if less eating might have felt better this morning :D Oh well, new day, new way. Haha. that's what I always say. See I rhyme now.
Good night!!
Today I ate salad for lunch, and some soup for dinner. I have also done a Wii workout (and the wii showed me at a 1.1lb gain, which isn't too bad--considering).
So hopefully by Friday, my weigh in day, things will be back in style. Overall, I really enjoyed the superbowl and had tons of fun with my family. My team, the steelers won and it was A FUN FUN game to watch!! The two families, my family and my uncle's family were on opposite sides and so there was tons of screaming both at the tv and at eachother. It was MARVELOUS, if I do say so myself :D
I wouldn't trade last night for anything---even if less eating might have felt better this morning :D Oh well, new day, new way. Haha. that's what I always say. See I rhyme now.
Good night!!
Sunday, February 1, 2009
HAPPY DAY
WOOOOOH!!
Things that are making me happy today:
1. I woke up happy with my body. It's beautiful. It's healthy. It does SOO many amazing things for me. And I haven't weighed this low since the summer.
2. The WIi fit. me and my parents did it yesterday and we woke up and did it first thing in the morning. And I'm sore. Which is weird and sort of awesome. i love that doing a video game can bring me to that point. Today my Wii fit age was 27. Yesterday was 31, so I am improving. Hopefully by the summer time, I can actually be my own age. :D
3. THE BOYFRIEND IS COMING!!!! My boyfriend is coming to boston from pittsburgh in March. For 5 days!! Admittedly the semi-stinky thing will be that I'll be working until 3pm everyday. But my little brother has spring break and will be able to pick him up and hang out with him during the day time. And my friends offered up their couch for him to sleep on, and they live at BC. (My dad's still getting used to the idea that I have "boyfriends" in my life, and so I'm springing the man on him SLOWLY. haha)
4. I'm going to a superbowl party tonight!! With my one of my very best friends. It's at my cousins' house. So it should be great.
5. I just had my favorite breakfast ever!! Bread with butter.
6. I have you guys!! Thanks for being there and making me work harder and understand myself better. You guys are a GREAT support system and each have SOO much to offer. I thank you all.
That's it for now. Will post more stuff tomorrow, with perhaps some p ics from the partay.
Things that are making me happy today:
1. I woke up happy with my body. It's beautiful. It's healthy. It does SOO many amazing things for me. And I haven't weighed this low since the summer.
2. The WIi fit. me and my parents did it yesterday and we woke up and did it first thing in the morning. And I'm sore. Which is weird and sort of awesome. i love that doing a video game can bring me to that point. Today my Wii fit age was 27. Yesterday was 31, so I am improving. Hopefully by the summer time, I can actually be my own age. :D
3. THE BOYFRIEND IS COMING!!!! My boyfriend is coming to boston from pittsburgh in March. For 5 days!! Admittedly the semi-stinky thing will be that I'll be working until 3pm everyday. But my little brother has spring break and will be able to pick him up and hang out with him during the day time. And my friends offered up their couch for him to sleep on, and they live at BC. (My dad's still getting used to the idea that I have "boyfriends" in my life, and so I'm springing the man on him SLOWLY. haha)
4. I'm going to a superbowl party tonight!! With my one of my very best friends. It's at my cousins' house. So it should be great.
5. I just had my favorite breakfast ever!! Bread with butter.
6. I have you guys!! Thanks for being there and making me work harder and understand myself better. You guys are a GREAT support system and each have SOO much to offer. I thank you all.
That's it for now. Will post more stuff tomorrow, with perhaps some p ics from the partay.
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