Down Down Down

So after I wrote my post on Sunday, my morale came crashing down. I ended up binging yesterday majorly, and gained "5 pounds". These are in quotations because I clearly did NOT gain 5lbs, as that would be pretty impossible and impressive within the span of 2 days. I want to move past the binge (and have done really well today in that regard) but I do want to list reasons why I think that binge happened and what I can do in the future to prevent it:

1. I self-sabotage: I tend to have certain body points at which I freak out and believe I don't deserve to be at that particularly weight/this weight challenges my inner view about how I should look (the whole I am a fat girl mentality kicks in) and I tend to eat and eat and eat until my body reaches that weight again. I am MUCH more cognizant of this fact than I ever was before and I am trying to move past these set points. 159 is a scary number in some regards because it is a new decade and a new BMI classification. I recognize these feelings and am trying to move past them. Hopefullly when I see 159 the next time I'll be careful not to self-sabotage
2. I just got off an emotional high: After my boyfriend left on sunday I just felt somewhat dejected and sad. I mean here i had had 6 days of so much fun, love, nourishment and contentment and getting off of that train was a hard pill to swallow. So I swallowed other things...and a lot of other things. and then some more things. And here I am-->post-food binge, post-emotional binge. Now it's time to learn how to cope with those feelings without the aid of food.
3. Work is hard. And long hours plus little sleep makes kuddy a tired tired girl who craves sugar. And that's what I indulged in.
4. I want summer. My name Kudret means nature in Urdu (the language of Pakistan) and I feel a certain connectedness in nature and summer specifically that mediates my moods. Well when it's cold, I'm cranky and when it's sunny I feel soooo happy! Because we're in between seasons, the weather is sunny/cold/sunny/cold which is exhausting my emotions.

Now excuses are over. The binge has been over for 24 hours now and here's how my day went:

I came home early from work because my mom (my ride) was jetlagged and needed to go home and so I had to go home too. I then proceeded to sleep 3 or 4 hours (side-effects of the binge?) and woke up much more refrshed and contented. I just came back from an hour long walk (4 miles) and am about to hop into the shower. I have work at the GAP tonight from 6-10 and then I"ll go to sleep happy. I normally restrict my eating after a binge but I've been trying to eat intuitively and haven't done anything out of the ordinary> Just trying to get the extra fruits/veggies/water to flush out the salt and give a better glow to my skin. I feel 1000000x better because I have analyzed it, diagnosed the causes and dealt with the symptoms. We'll see what my weight is officially on friday but hopefully these type of cleanse was needed by my body. Now off to shower, then work. Then I"ll stop by all of your blogs :D